All doors had closed, all windows sealed shut. There were no options for me to do what I wanted to do….what I thought was the Lord’s plan for this season. I had been prepared, motivated, and ready to go. Finally, all of my babies were in school. This was the year that I got to go back to “people-ing” . I had a beautiful privilege to stay home with my baby for the past 5 years! What a gift that had been.. but I was restless. I love people. I love to meet different kinds of people, to build relationships, to do life with people! I couldn’t wait to get back in to the world of working outside of the home.

I had applied for a few jobs, taken a few interviews, and been offered a few positions. But, the schedules just wouldn’t line up with the schedule of my first calling….being a wife and mother. I needed to bring and pick up my children from school everyday. I needed to be off during the summers. After school and summer camp type programs were not an option for us because my middle child has non-verbal Autism. There isn’t a place for him for after school care in this city…there isn’t a qualified sitter to care for him in our area. Even if those things were a possibility, at this point, I would feel incredible guilt for taking advantage of them for my own endeavors. My husband has a pretty good job at the moment that doesn’t necessary require me to work outside of the home.

Still, I felt guilt. Guilt if I worked (leaving my children to be cared for by others). Guilt if I didn’t work (largely based on the perception of people who don’t work being lazy). That’s so dumb, I know that. To this day, I have to remind myself that I’m not called to live life to the world’s standards. The world tells us to be a certain way, look a certain way, live a certain way, but the Paul tells us in Romans that we aren’t to be conformed to this world.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.